The Rules

Back in 2008, the Randomness! Rules were established.  R2 (R-squared) as I like to call them, even though “Randomness!” doesn’t like math.  (Yes, I do realize the irony of that statement, as R2 is an actual statistical term.  I also realize the idea of randomness being governed by rules is an oxymoron.)  In compliance with R2, “Randomness!” must abide by the Randomness! Rules.  I am bound to them, and everything “Randomness!” does is filtered through them.  There are ten original rules, with one of the rules stating that more rules can be randomly made up in the future.  The most important rule however, is Rule 3, and I will share it with you.

Rule 3:  The Randomness! Rules state that I, the author, must be random.  I think this is the most difficult rule to wrap my mind around.  This is because randomness is a challenging concept to define and, consequently, to put into practice.  What this rule means is: I can’t always be doing obvious random things because if randomness becomes consistent, then it has ceased to be random.  So in order to stay random, I can’t always be random.  It’s complicated.  I guess to sum it up, you could say that I must be randomly random.

Having said that, I can now move on to the 2nd point of the rule which states that no one can accuse someone else of not being random.  Randomness stems from spontaneity.  Therefore, if you tell someone to do a certain thing so that what they are doing will be considered random, and then the person does what you say, then it was not actually random or spontaneous, therefore they are not being truly random.  I hope this makes sense.  Just remember: I, the author, must be randomly random.  If everything I do looks random because I am always planning to be random, then randomness has ceased to be random and has, therefore, transformed into consistency.  And there is no such thing as consistent randomness.

(Should you want a copy of all rules to date, you would have to contact our Randomness! Compliance Team.  But good luck; they never come out of the basement of the Randomness! Headquarters.  Sorry I won’t be able to obtain a copy for you.  They make the rules!  HA!  I won’t overstep their authority because I really don’t want to lose my job.)