Once upon a time, in a land far far away…there was…well…there was this lobster named Lobbie. And he walked into the lobby of a library. Up to the librarian’s desk. Which is where the librarian should have been. But she wasn’t. So…he didn’t know what to do. After contemplating his dilemma, he picked up his briefcase that was filled with…gumballs…and started walking around, looking for the librarian. Needing something to energize him, he opened his briefcase, took out three gumballs, and put them in his mouth. And he started looking for the librarian. He walked up the stairs! And down the hall! And in between the bookshelves! But she wasn’t there! Feeling out of breath, he decided to take the elevator to go back downstairs…and check his e-mail while he waited for the librarian. But alas! He was too short to press the button! He tried jumping up to hit the button with his claw, but to no avail. He climbed up on top of his briefcase, but the button was just out of reach.
Then he had an idea. He took out a gumball, set his briefcase down in front of the door, and scurried several feet away from the elevator. Winding up with as much strength as his little leg could muster, he lobbed the gumball at the elevator button. The first time it bounced against the wall and came back and hit him in the head. Picking himself up from the unexpected fall, he tried the pitch again. This time…Ding! Scrambling to get to the elevator as he saw the doors opening, he made it just in time. Thankfully, there was a gentleman already in the elevator who could push the floor level button for him. Trying to appear calm and not out of the ordinary, he said “First floor” when the man, staring at him incredulously, asked where he wanted to go. The man kept staring at him as the elevator traveled down, so Lobbie offered him a gumball from his briefcase.
Arriving in the computer lab with no further incident, he took out three more gumballs from his briefcase and put them in his mouth. He sat down in front of a computer and used his claw to access the internet. He slowly typed in his username and password, feeling hopeful that someone would have sent him something. When he saw he didn’t have any new e-mails, he contemplated crying, but instead hurriedly took out three more gumballs and started chewing those too. The people sitting at the other computers were staring at him. Feeling flustered, he took out three more gumballs and reached for his mouth, but accidentally pinched himself which caused him to let out a yelp and drop the said gumballs. They started rolling on the hardwood floor down the hall. So. He picked up his briefcase (he didn’t want to leave it briefly in case someone would steal his favorite candy), and he started running down the hall, his little legs scrambling to catch up to the escaping gumballs. Unfortunately, they got too far ahead of him because he wasn’t a fast runner. So he never found them. Which made him almost cry again. So he hurriedly took out three more gumballs to chew.
By this time, he had waited a long time for the librarian, and he was tired of waiting. He decided to take the stairs this time and walked up to the librarian’s desk in the lobby. Which is where she should have been. And this time, she was! He was so excited! He proceeded to ask his question. But, much to his dismay, no words came out. Because…he was chewing so much bubblegum. He tried to spit it out. But when he did, he blew a bubble that was twice the size of himself. And then it popped…and he was covered in bubblegum. And the librarian just stared wide-eyed at the once red, now pink, lobster standing at her desk. And she didn’t know what to say. And she didn’t know what to do. I mean, what would you do in a situation like this? So. Lobbie…he was a little embarrassed. But the librarian was here, and he had waited so long…he couldn’t just walk out empty-clawed. So he picked his dignity up off the floor, dusted it off, smiled and said, “Uh…I was just wondering if…by some small chance…you permit lobsters in your library. Because I’ve heard there’s lots of information available at your claws…er…fingertips I mean…when you get a library card!”
And the librarian still didn’t know what to say. And she didn’t know what to do. But she handed him a pen so he could sign up for a library card. And with his right claw he signed his name, “Lobbie the Lobster” while grinning sheepishly (kind of like a Barney Fife look, when he’s proud of himself). And then he took his new library card in his claw, along with his briefcase full of gumballs, and scampered out of the library. And every Monday and Thursday afternoon, he would go to the library to sit in the lobby…and study about how to become a lobbyist for the Lobster Rights Foundation. He felt that the chief end of a lobster was to become a lobbyist. And he felt the lobby of the library was the perfect place for a lobster. And it had nothing to do with the fact that the words “lobster, lobbyist, and lobby” all start with “lob-”…
Originally written May 7, 2008 (minor adjustments made)