I have an addiction. To words! I find myself comfortably in bed. But then! A thought comes to me that I must write down. Or else. Alas! I may forget it by morning! So. I try not to start writing a story or my thoughts at night. Or. I would never get any rest! Words! Thoughts! Spinning! They come so fast! Fleeting thoughts. “Give me a pen!” The words just keep coming. “Stop! I need sleep!” But no. The words. They do not heed my request. “Slow down, I can’t keep up!” If I don’t write them down immediately, I find the words have left me, and I don’t know whether to turn right or left to search for them. So I guess another name for a writer…is a word chaser.
But more oftentimes than not…I feel like I’m at a loss for words. As if…as if I’m trying to process my feelings. And wracking my brain for a way to let you know the thoughts that I don’t yet know how to say. I wish I could somehow plug my brain into a computer…and it would translate my thoughts into the exact words I need. Because I love to search for descriptive words to use to convey my emotions, but sometimes…sometimes they’re just not the truest essence of what I want to say. I oftentimes feel like there’s so much more to say or at least a more suitable way to say it. If you could just get inside my mind to understand my thought process, it would all make sense without even words.
And so. I’m forced to admit it…that sometimes…those combinations of letters we call “words”…are not enough. And those words are definitely not words that a writer wants to have to write. (Or read, for that matter.) The gravity of that reality can make a writer feel…like they must have done something wrong in their writing. Because something about this conclusion doesn’t sound right. Maybe the words just need to be rearranged? While they may be insufficient…I still love words, and I’ll chase them all over Wonderland to score the perfect ending to this blog. Til then…
Originally written in Spring 2008 (many adjustments made)